


What the actual

by purplefox



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 11:45:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14448603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: Some missions that the justice league undertakes have you going... but why though





	What the actual

The league’s day was going poorly. That was the only way to classify it. Clark had not even gotten the full brief of who he just knew that the majority of the justice league was on his turf attempting to minimize the damage and he knew that they were all doing a terrible job of it. If it was not one thing it was certainly another.

“We’re down to six.” Flash said as he appeared next to Clark. “I think we have one enemy left now and whoever it is that is behind this. Batman’s on his way but-“ The ground shaking stopped Flash from speaking. “Last boss I guess.”

Clark was prepared for anything and the rest of the league had to be too. However when the shaking got closer and the cause popped out from behind a building Clark wondered if this week was actually his week.

As tall as a four story building, white fur and blue eyes. Playful eyes and a wagging tail, a huge kitten because regardless of the size the shape was that of a baby.

“Is it adorable or terrifying I can’t tell.” Flash muttered before the kitten swatted a car into a building.

“Terrifying.” Clark answered as the screams began. “We got to stop it.”

“And turn it back to normal the magic user has to be nearby.” Wonder woman had her lasso in hand as she eyed the kitten. “It just wants to play, it doesn’t know that it is doing wrong.”

“It’s a cat, bigger than it should be in the first place.” Flash shook his head. “It’s going to do what cats do and I would rather it not.”

X

“What the fuck.” Lex said as he looked outside his office window. “Seriously. What the fuck.” He heard his phone ringing and Mercy answered it as he plastered his face to the window to see the sight outside. He was unable to believe his eyes.

He did not want to believe he was seeing what he was seeing either but there it was running around his streets and wracking up ridiculous costs for repairs while at it. Metropolis never could get a good day it seemed. There was always someone or something getting in the way. It got old, it was old.

“Mercy we’re going out.” He said as he grabbed his jacket.

X

Clark had gotten batted around like a toy, watched cars be bitten up and also tossed around and he still was far away from actually securing the damn thing. They had even called for backup. He wiped his face as he watched the kitten that was fascinated with a nearby helicopter. That was so going to go down.

“What the fuck.” The voice was familiar but Clark had not expected to see Lex Luthor in the middle of the street staring up at the kitten. “What the actual fuck.”

“L-Luthor!” Clark snapped. “You can’t be out here!”

“Unless he’s the reason the cat is destroying Metropolis.” Green arrow dropped in his unwanted opinion.

“Doing something like that?” Lex snorted without turning around. “Oh it’s possible. Easy too once you have actual brains but what would the point be?” He finished. “Mercy.” Clark had not even noticed her. Lex took the digital pad from her and began to write. “I bet they are long time gone but that changes nothing about the little one ravaging the town. I have something that should return them to their normal none property damaging size.” Lex waved the pad at Flash. “Why don’t you go save the day?”

“Why should I do it.” Flash frowned.

“Because I would but you’re the quick man in here.” Lex rolled his eyes. “We want this by yesterday and take only that.” Flash took the pad slowly. “I’ll know if you touch any other thing other than what is there.”

Flash frowned before he vanished and Lex folded his arms as he stared at the kitten. “But why though.”

“Dad! Mercy!” Kon landed along with the Batplane and Clark sighed a sigh of relief. “I thought Mercy would keep you inside!”

“Where’s the shrink gun.” Batman demanded of Lex when he got close enough.

“I just sent Flash for it.” Lex eyed Kon who floated just above him. “Feet on the ground.” Kon’s feet touched cement immediately. “Don’t tell me they called you in for this.”

X

“You need some monitoring but you should be just fine shouldn’t you?” For some reason Lex had the restored cat in his hands. “Just adorable aren’t you.” He paused and lifted the cat. “Such a tired girl aren’t you? Playing with the league, good girl.”

“Considering that she’s been through I don’t think she should go to a normal centre.” Batman pointed out as Lex examined the kitten.

“You’re right about that.” Lex tilted the kitten. “You have the most amazing blue eyes do you know that? Selina would love you.” Batman twitched at that. “But just in case I imagine you should be observed for a while or something like that.” Lex frowned. “I guess it is about time Kon got a pet.”

“Wait what?” Kon looked alarmed. “Why a cat? I mean she’s cute and all but I watched her put like all the league through a building.”

“She could be a decent training partner.” Lex crooned. “Yes you would right baby? You can stay in Kon’s room and get used to his scent since he barely stays.”

“That’s because of league training Dad.” Kon groaned. “Training that you agreed to and we can’t be keeping a cat that got experimented on by who knows who.”

“The cat was a distraction.” Lex tucked the cat into his pocket and made his way towards his office building. “He’s already escaped to another dimension with his prize. If I abandon this cat Selina will skin me alive. Better off with a nice home and child to take care of it. Cats make marvellous companions.”

“It already sounds like it’s your cat than mine.” Kon grumbled as he floated after Lex. “Have you mentally named it already? Don’t name it something weird now. Or something Greek! Or Roman! Let me name it since it is supposed to me mine!”

“Good work team?” Flash asked awkwardly before Batman snatched the shrink gun from his hands and tucked it away. “Time to go home or something?” Batman returned to his plane in silence. “Or not.”

 

 


End file.
